seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
