'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
