I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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