i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize