Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We are two peas in an std pod
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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