It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
