If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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