yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
