Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
