If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
