Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
