update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize