I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
