Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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