I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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