Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
