ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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