Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
