kristin has been a bad kristin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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