Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
