she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
