This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
