why do cheetos always look like penises
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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