and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
