i think i have two assholes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
