This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
