fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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