I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
