So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
smell my finger.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
