They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
