he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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