I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
