he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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