hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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