My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
