I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
