And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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