She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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