he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize