she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
