And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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