whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize