I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
