I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
