I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
