im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
