i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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