Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
