Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
