went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
operation harelip BJ is a go
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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