I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize