Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
