I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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