I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
