I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
