i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
