If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize