I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
