I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
COCAINE IS GR8
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
