break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
