Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
