oh god the rape fog is back!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
