Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
