new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
