so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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