Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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