That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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