question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
