Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
