Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
